I woke up to run another race this morning, that I really wasn't prepared for. I've been running, but I haven't been training. I just don't have the time, nor the desire, to really push myself. "Desire" is the important part. I have the motivation to run, but I don't have the motivation to be fast...and I couldn't care less. My running has been at odds with a few minor ailments: my seriously sprained ankle from the Pony Express, an abdominal hernia from my enormous baby, lack of sleep from big baby and a plethora of illnesses. My running has also been at odds with my enormous desire to soak up baby snuggles. So, after a long day at work, I'd much rather go home, cuddle, play and do some yoga when the babies are in bed.
I did surprisingly well in the race, considering my physical and slightly mental issues, and I still plan to run distance and work towards running a marathon in the fall. However, I've really been spending my extra effort and focus on creating community....and generally being more active in the communities that I have already held close. This is a major "outside-of-the-box" goal for me, a total introvert, quite possibly the person that is most likely to ignore you in a public space...simply because "breaking the ice" terrifies me.
I am working on this in a few ways:
1. I am trying to make more personal connections, including remembering people's names. This may include approaching someone that I know...even a little, and starting a conversation. This is the hardest of my goals.
2. I am trying to make more meaningful connections at work. I've started teaching yoga and have organized a running group. I've also developed some small opportunities for everyone to connect more.
3. I am trying to be more involved in the yoga community. This involves the community that I feel safe in and communities that are more distant. I am also working on shedding shame that I have about my practice, studies and beliefs. They may be different from yours, but they help me to be a better person, and that is all that should matter.
4. I am "invested" as a teacher and a coach, but I will not sacrifice the needs of my family. I'm spending less time working at home. I trust that things will "get done". I am also spending more time in the off-season with my athletes and their families. We've developed a great, strong group of runners and running parents. Our winter "team" is represented by about 8 different groups of families or teachers.
Overall, I feel that I am finding a balance among the things that really matter. I might not run as fast as I once did, but I have so much more to be proud of in my life. THIS is where I want to be.
