It has been a long time since my last post. I haven't been writing, because I have been focusing on teaching, coaching and scaling back my mileage. I raced the Fall Series with the goal of finishing in the top 3, but faster girls showed up, and I ended at 6th overall finishing 1st in my age group.
My times were slowing for a couple of reasons. I've been trying to gain fat to get pregnant. I have plenty of weight, but was at 16% body fat (DEXA scan, super accurate) with amenorrhea for a couple of years. My doctor recommended getting to 20%, which was only a few pounds but it was actually quite difficult. I know that sounds trivial, but I'm pretty sure that gaining a few pounds for me was just as challenging as any person losing a few pounds. I like to eat healthy and feel good when I am satisfied. Sure, why not eat a doughnut a day? Well, I hate doughnuts, and any food like doughnuts with a passion. You really are what you eat. And I am not a doughnut, nor do I want the molecules of one to become any part of my body.
My other reason for slowing down (though I wasn't aware at the time) was pregnancy. Being pregnant with Aspen slowed me down instantly. I noticed that I was breathing really heavy during the series and wasn't able to really compete as a racer. I thought it was the extra pounds. Before the pregnancy happened, I was put on some drug cocktail to get a cycle, again. When the cycles stopped, I took a bjillion negative pregnancy tests. A few weeks later, before scheduling a doctor appointment for amenorrhea, I took two more tests. Both were positive.
This past Monday, at my 8 week appointment, my blood work and ultrasound looked like I was really early. I did the math, and it wasn't possible. Everything was there, except for the baby. I showed up for some follow-up blood work only to hear that it wasn't viable and here are your options: wah, wah, wah, wah. I knew it wasn't viable before I walked in the door. I somehow made it through the week at work with a field trip, guest speakers, and dynamic classes. I'm not quite sure how. I have more appointments next week, because nothing is actually happening. You see, the worst part is that I have morning sickness and a symptomatic pregnancy, but I am not actually pregnant and I haven't yet miscarried. It's a constant reminder.
This might be slightly faux pas to write about and share. Most people don't talk about this stuff, but I'm just one person and this happens about 30% of the time (15% knowingly...much of the rest of the percentage is too early to recognize...though, different people will give different numbers). Many women experience this and move on. Most women move on to have happy healthy pregnancies within six months. I'm sad for this loss, and I'm sad to wait longer. But, I know that it will happen in time.
In the midst of all of this, I had already planned to run and win the Stocking Shuffle, even if I had been pregnant. The results over the last few years were misleadingly slow, because I had underestimated a few hills in the course. I can keep a solid 7 minute per mile pace (again, I've slowed a bit), and the previous overall winners finished around 22-24. Today, I finished at 22:59. It was a really small event and about half of the race was on concrete sidewalk, so I don't think I will race this one in the future. My goal, before getting pregnant, was to win a race. Well, I did it.
We will be waiting for about two or three months to get pregnant, again (doctor's orders). In that time, I plan to race the short Winter Series (haven't competed in the short before), continue to work towards my 100 Jack Quinns runs (40 to go...hopefully many of them will be during a pregnancy), and do a lot of healing and restorative yoga and reading.
