Real women love, laugh, run, move...

Here I am, one year and 3 months after having my second baby and I have learned so much. Then again, hindsight is 20/20. When I had my first baby, running was easy throughout my pregnancy. I really didn't understand how people felt unmotivated to stay physically active. After her birth, I was able to return to my prior level of physical fitness within a few months. Within a few more months, I was running faster than I had ever run before.

I had a hard time keeping myself from comparing pregnancies. The second time around I felt more morning sickness and generally more lethargy. I wasn't able to run for most of my pregnancy. This made me feel like a failure. After all, I was told time and time again by a variety of people and resources that pregnant women were now competing in amazingly difficult races and doing quite well. I was frustrated that I couldn't. As a matter of fact, I quit trying to walk or run around 30 weeks. Little did I know that my baby, at that time weighed about 8 lbs, the same weight that my first was at birth.

 

This amazing baby was born 10 lbs 10 oz and full of contentment. He is perfect in every way. Immediately after his birth, I felt the need to get moving but lacked the ability and drive. It may seem ridiculous that I was so disappointed in my low activity level, but was it really? ridiculous? I just wanted to sit on a chair and nurse while snuggling my son. But, surrounded with internet articles and television gossip regarding the last big celebrity to have the last high-profile pregnancy and the perfect "post baby bod", how could I not feel that pressure? I quickly reconciled with my issues, and happily took to nursing on the couch, rather than trying to hobble my way through a run.

My return to fitness was slow and different. I've spent a lot more time being okay with the unexpected diversion away from my workout. I've spent a lot less time training for the next big thing. I still get my share of running and workouts, but a lot of time it isn't what I expected. I might need to take the kids to the YMCA and enjoy a long distance run on the treadmill, rather than spending my time outside on a trail. I might push the kids in the dualie, rather than enjoying a simple, resistance-free run. I might take the kids to the park, for a walk, to the zoo, etc. I'm recognizing more and more that time running is good for the soul, and time away from running is also good for the soul.

What does #realwomenmove mean to me? It means finding balance. It means making time for myself, but enjoying the richness of being needed and loved so dearly. It means giving time, space and compassion to myself throughout life changes. It means loving every opportunity that I have to love, laugh, run and move.

Creating Community in 2015

I woke up to run another race this morning, that I really wasn't prepared for. I've been running, but I haven't been training. I just don't have the time, nor the desire, to really push myself. "Desire" is the important part. I have the motivation to run, but I don't have the motivation to be fast...and I couldn't care less. My running has been at odds with a few minor ailments: my seriously sprained ankle from the Pony Express, an abdominal hernia from my enormous baby, lack of sleep from big baby and a plethora of illnesses. My running has also been at odds with my enormous desire to soak up baby snuggles. So, after a long day at work, I'd much rather go home, cuddle, play and do some yoga when the babies are in bed.

I did surprisingly well in the race, considering my physical and slightly mental issues, and I still plan to run distance and work towards running a marathon in the fall. However, I've really been spending my extra effort and focus on creating community....and generally being more active in the communities that I have already held close. This is a major "outside-of-the-box" goal for me, a total introvert, quite possibly the person that is most likely to ignore you in a public space...simply because "breaking the ice" terrifies me.

I am working on this in a few ways:

1. I am trying to make more personal connections, including remembering people's names. This may include approaching someone that I know...even a little, and starting a conversation. This is the hardest of my goals.

2. I am trying to make more meaningful connections at work. I've started teaching yoga and have organized a running group. I've also developed some small opportunities for everyone to connect more.

3. I am trying to be more involved in the yoga community. This involves the community that I feel safe in and communities that are more distant. I am also working on shedding shame that I have about my practice, studies and beliefs. They may be different from yours, but they help me to be a better person, and that is all that should matter.

4. I am "invested" as a teacher and a coach, but I will not sacrifice the needs of my family. I'm spending less time working at home. I trust that things will "get done". I am also spending more time in the off-season with my athletes and their families. We've developed a great, strong group of runners and running parents. Our winter "team" is represented by about 8 different groups of families or teachers.

Overall, I feel that I am finding a balance among the things that really matter. I might not run as fast as I once did, but I have so much more to be proud of in my life. THIS is where I want to be.

Revisiting my Goals

It was a good month for running. I had a strong Labor Day race, where my goal to beat 1:45 was just barely met. I finished 7th overall and 2nd in my age group. I felt terrific, and enjoyed the very familiar course.

I trained hard. I ran some great distances every weekend and had some great track and hill workouts during the week. I cross trained and put in a ton of mileage. I ran the trail around Rampart Range a few times, preparing to have a better race in the Pony Express. The first time that I ran the Pony Express, I had raced a 5k distance a couple of times and had run the 7 miles around Waldo Canyon once. Once. 7 miles, one time. The Pony Express is 15ish single track miles around the reservoir. It was hell, and I never went back.

My goal in training was to finish it more comfortably. The third time that I ran the trail, however (a mere five days after the Labor Day race), I twisted my ankle 4 miles in. It was pretty minor, and I was able to keep running comfortably. When I showed up on race day, my only goal was to run without injury.

I started out in front, because I felt comfortable about being passed and I wanted to hit the single track without getting stuck behind people. I kept waiting and waiting for a female runner to pass me. I wasn't positive about what place I was in, so I convinced myself that it wasn't first and just kept on running. Eventually, I realized that no one would be passing me as I settled into the last 5 miles of the race. At this point, a volunteer also let me know that I was the first female.

At three miles from the finish, I broke my original goal of finishing uninjured, when I landed on the side of my ankle. It was painful. I stopped for a moment and limped along, but I kept running. Maybe it was the fact that I was in first. Maybe it was the fact that it was cold and I didn't want to just sit along the trail. Either way, I finished the race in first place. Yay?

I was scheduled to run the Colorado Springs Half Marathon the next weekend and the Xterra this weekend. I didn't run the CS Half, because my ankle was a grapefruit. It's been a little over two weeks and I think I've resigned to the fact that I will not be running the Xterra. I tried running on Monday, and it seems that I won't be running for quite awhile. This has me really questioning my half-marathon-a-month goal. I probably won't run a half in October and may bail from the November race, just to ensure that I'm healed. The purpose of my goal was really to get back into shape. I'm thinking that I've at least achieved that and I'm wondering if I should set my sights on something different. Maybe a century ride in 2015, or a fast marathon next fall, perhaps another half ironman. I haven't completely given up yet, but I'm open to new suggestions.

A Half-Marathon-a-Month: 2 down, 10 to go

In July, I ran my first half-marathon after having the baby. I finished in 1:55:24, which beat the 2:00 goal. The race was good, but most of my training had been on a treadmill. After a couple of miles, it was apparent that I needed to get outside more. The race was good. It's a simple even that runs along the Santa Fe Trail. The out-and-back course makes for a nice race in terms of aid station assistance. It was nicely supported for a nursing mommy. During the following weeks, I seriously increased my time on trails and pushing Rowan in a stroller.

The work paid off, because last weekend, I ran the Rocky Mountain Half Marathon. It was also a very well supported race. It is on the pricier side and is basically all road, but the even had a few key things that made it amazing.

First of all, hydropouches. The run was cup free, and as a person that has worked many aid stations and has begged people to help with aid stations, I thought this was awesome. Each station had two volunteers and a few water or gatorade coolers. You filled your own complimentary hydropouch and continued on with your race. If you're really running fast, I could see this possibly slowing you down, but when you know it's cup free, going in...you could just bring something that will keep you hydrated for the duration of the race. Frankly, when I was faster, I wasn't drinking during a race anyhow.

Secondly....drones. That's right...fricken drones at 5 a.m. flying around and taking pictures of us before the race. I still haven't seen the pictures, but I thought it was pretty wild. They also took a billion pictures and videos during the event. At some point, someone was even stalking me with a camera and their car. Haven't seen the pictures...but...wait a minute...I suppose it could've been some freakazoid, but it was 6 a.m.

Next, the Stanley. You know, the creepy hotel? It started and ended in front of the Stanley Hotel. Which hopefully has chickens, because during my warmup run at 5:30 a.m., there was something that sounded like chickens clucking...or children screaming.

Finally, the people. I would say Colorado Springs has some of the best runners on the planet. I'm not really talking about skill, though there are plenty of amazing runners...I'm actually talking about good vibes. I was cheered on by a number of cops working the race, and a local old guy thanked everyone for coming to Estes Park as we ran by. The best, was the 1:55 pacer. As I turned back into the Stanley drive, the 1:55 pacer came running back to bring me in under 1:55. I was close by gun time, but ended up finishing in 1:54.04 by chip time. I have never seen someone so enthusiastic, and he actually got the entire crowd pumped up for me, along with the announcer. Considering I showed up solo, allowing the hubs and kids to keep sleeping at 4:30 a.m., it was awesome to have so many people cheering me on.

We had a lovely stay at the YMCA of the Rockies, which I highly recommend for anyone visiting Estes Park with a family. I think we may both end up running this one next year. It was the best race that I have had in as long as I can remember, because I allowed myself to enjoy the views and left my Garmin at home. In September, I plan to run the American Discovery Trail Half Marathon and the Pony Express. I'm also planning to have a date with Duane to run Rampart Reservoir sometime this month.

Full of Myself

I recently found myself reading the comments on a Youtube video. This horrible time-suck got me thinking. You see, this video was a woman that was pushing her diet ideas and happily promoting her healthy lifestyle. While I think her approach to improving other people's health is flawed (read Body, Mind and Sport for an overview of what I do think works for optimizing your health), I thought her confidence and happiness was lovely. Obviously, not every commenter would have agreed. One woman referred to her as being "full of herself".

I found myself reflecting on this statement. If you aren't full of yourself, then what the hell are you full of? What is so wrong with a woman being confident in her body and her choices? Having dealt with a near lifetime of self-esteem issues, I am pretty proud to be confident about myself, my body, my everything. Sure, I do things and say things that aren't great, but that doesn't mean I'm not great, it just means I make mistakes, like all other humans on the planet. It also doesn't mean that my life is easy. I encounter obstacles within and without myself constantly. But I have learned to work on my negative traits, to let go of dramas that don't matter, and to embrace the difficult changes that sometimes surface.

When we speak negatively about someone being full of himself/herself, I would argue that we are typically referring to a woman. When we discuss the same traits in a man, we use words like "proud", "strong", or "independent". The same traits in a woman, for some reason or another, are unwelcome. I would also argue that mostly women abuse the phase "full of herself" in reference to other women. Maybe it's jealousy, perhaps personal despair, regardless, it ruins our collective psyche, limiting the sum of our potential. It says, "Stay quiet, woman. You are not worthy."

This past weekend, I was teaching a restorative yoga workshop. I spent some time discussing how truly happy I am in my life at this moment, "blissed out", as I like to call it. I feel that finding balance in the chaos of life with true rest and rejuvenation brings me this happiness. It helps that I have an amazing little family, too. But as these words fell out of my mouth, I immediately felt guilty. Isn't it funny that I would feel guilty about sharing my happiness? It isn't really funny. It's totally normal, because proclaiming one's happiness with life, body, love, etc. is "being full of yourself". But, when I put all of these words together on this page and reflect, I want nothing less than being full of myself.

A Shout out to High-Five Hoodoo

When I first started running, Duane would take me over to Palmer Park to run the Templeton Gap trail. You might be familiar with the trail. It's death in the form of some dirt and rocks. The terrain involves intense, short climbs that will leave you hating running, and your partner, at least it did for me. Duane is also very fast, and I'm pretty sure he could've hiked the 3.8 mile route faster than my beginner legs could run it.

I had a lot of special stops along this run "The Hill I Hate", "Kill me Now Rocks", and "High-Five Hoodoo", my most favorite. Typically, at these places, I would be doubled over, panting, and all out crying tears of pain and hate for the trail. With the breath that I would have left, I was regularly chanting, "I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't...." High-Five Hoodoo was a little different.

As a beginning trail runner, I found myself constantly watching Duane's footwork and trying my best to move with the same light, quick strides. At the last 0.3 miles of the run, High-Five Hoodoo just seems to jump right into the trail. I'm pretty sure it smacked me on my first couple of runs. Once I caught on to its game, I started hitting it back. My hits started as slaps of anger across it's sandy surface, as if the hoodoo represented all of Palmer Park. After months and months of training in the park, these slaps evolved into a habitual hand brush across the rock. But, somehow along the way, I actually began to enjoy these runs and my hit became more of a high-five.

I run a lot of different routes through that park, now. Some are only 3.8 miles and some are as long as 13.3 miles. Each run gets a visit to High-Five Hoodoo. Somehow, that rock actually pulled me through so much training. But, alas, now that I have two kids and live on the west side, I never get over to Palmer Park any longer. I kind of miss my sturdy, ancient running buddy.

Today, I didn't get over and run in Palmer Park. As a matter of fact, I haven't been in that park for well over a year. But, I offered up my run to High-Five Hoodoo, because with two kids, I ran on the dreadmill. I didn't just run on the treadmill, but I ran 10 miles on the treadmill. I was a little afraid of defeat from this 90 minute run. After all, it is much easier to bail on a treadmill, compared to an out-and-back route. But I did it, and on some level, I'm pretty sure High-Five Hoodoo is pretty impressed.

Garden 10M and Beyond

I finished the Garden 10 mile with a PR. My finish was 1:33.27 compared to 1:34.23 back in 2008...when I was a slower runner....but I'll take it. The race was great and is actually pretty inexpensive for the distance. I'd post some pictures of myself racing, but I truthfully looked terrible, shoulders forward and head back. It looked like my body was still carrying a baby, and has facilitated my increase in core strengthening.  I may be able to physically run the distance, four months after baby, but my body is still recovering. With how much we are bombarded by images of "body after baby" celebrities covering "days after birth", it's important to remember that the rest of us #1) don't rely on our body for our income...and #2) should rely on functionality more than looks...and even if it looks "put together", it might not necessarily be back to one piece.

 In regards to body image, I totally don't care that I'm carrying an extra 15 lbs. I'm not as fast, but I don't care about that either. I'm healthy...and I'm totally enjoying summer with an almost 4 year old and a very jolly little baby. Between soccer camp and zoo camp, running, bike riding, playing and swimming, I'm having way too much fun being a kid, again. How do you stay young forever? My answer, right here and right now, is to have kids.

In addition to running the race, I was also in charge of an aid station. While this seemed like it wouldn't be a big deal, it was a huge deal. Duane was able to decorate and run the station that day, but I did a lot of pre-planning. I've done it a million times, and I always underestimate how much time it really devours. It's a fantastic, team-building opportunity for our high school cross country team, but I always put more work into it than I intend.

In addition to all of that fun, we spent a few days camping. We had planned on four days, but adjusted to three. Aspen has always been the type of kid to "go, go, go" rather than eventually pass out from activity. The girl just doesn't stop, so tons of fun and sleeping in a camper was getting difficult and we bailed on Sunday night rather than Monday morning. We were only in Golden, though, so the bail was easy and home was an hour away.

Regardless, the trip was a blast. We spent three days at the cheapest, smallest, and most family friendly bluegrass festival in the west, the Golden Music Festival. It's put on by the local history museum of Golden. The bands were fun, and Aspen was able to run around an play throughout the event. We also visited the Miners Maze and Adventureland. I found a Livingsocial deal for the place. It was pretty cool. At first, I thought Aspen would be too little or scared for the activities. I was totally wrong. This girl has no fear. She had a blast, Duane had a blast, and Rowan and I stayed snuggled with my two feet on the ground.

Our next big race is The Half on the Fourth in Colorado Springs. Duane and I will both be running. We'll follow that up with the Rocky Mountain Half Marathon in Estes Park. I will run the race, and Duane will run his favorite route through Rocky Mountain National Park. This will also be a multi-day family trip, where we'll stay at the YMCA of the Rockies, which offers tons of family friendly activities. Wish me luck...not so much on the race, but on the four day stay!