Things you don't wanna hear when you're injured...

I'm easing through week #9 (some of you are already judging that time frame right now, see #1 below) of my fracture healing. I'm out of all ankle supports and walking with a slight limp. I can do anything except for running. Though my doctor thinks I'll be back by July 4th, I'll be happy with August 1st. For workouts, I was limited for a couple of weeks to the arm ergometer and upper body weights (after taking two weeks completely off). The arm ergometer is mind numbingly boring and looks something like this:

Against my doctors suggestion, I started riding a stationary bike at about 5 weeks. When I had my boot removed, I started pedaling a spinning bike and pool running with a cheap boot that I found at a thrift store. Eventually, I added lower body weights, elliptical, stair mill, yoga and today, lap swimming...basically in that order.

Now that I'm on my way to being able to run again, I've been fixating on conversations that I've had with people regarding my injury. I know people mean well, but sometimes we respond when no response is really needed. So, with humor and love, I'll save you some trouble and give you some examples of things injured runners don't want to hear.

1. It could be worse.

 

This is quite possibly the most frustrating response to any injury, illness, etc. Of course it can be worse. It can always be worse. Holy shit, I could've been mauled by a bear in my marathon (which actually happened) But stating this trivializes a person's emotions.

2. He said you'll be in the boot for how long? Oh, it's gonna be way longer than that! You've got, at least, 6 months!

I get it, everyone has a different recovery time. But, not everyone has a medical degree, so STFU.

3.  Just take it easy. Listen to your body.

Duh. I'm tough, but I'm not stupid. I love running. I also just love being physically active, but not as much as I love running outside. I physically cannot run if I wanted to. My body literally cannot even do it, because it's so painful. Additionally, I have two parents that are already gonna tell me that, I don't need more.

4. My _______ had that injury and never ran again!

This one makes me so mad, I can't even respond. Usually, it's followed by a massive explanation of their intense surgery and recovery time. Since this injury, I have seriously caught myself from sharing personal stories about injuries, illnesses, and other experiences that are similar to what someone else is going through. Why? Because they didn't ask for your story, they just wanted the space to share theirs. I tread pretty lightly around this, and if there's a lesson to benefit, maybe...but if my motivation is to shine the spotlight my way. No. I have been guilty of doing this SO often, maybe other people do, too; but I see it now and am hard working at it!

5. That's why you shouldn't be running X miles a week.

I run because it makes me happy. Most people saying this have had some limitation, mental or physical, that keeps them from enjoying running. That's fine, if running isn't your thing, but it doesn't mean that it shouldn't be my thing. Furthermore, I have times of rest and recovery, coupled with times of intensity, and followed by relaxed runs with friends. It's what I do and how I connect, and I do this very safely.

6. You need to eat more/less XYZ.

Everyone is on the "cure all" diet, and they are all singing a different tune. Paleo, vegan, or gluten-free: you do you, and I'll do me. 

For whatever reason, I rolled my ankle. Maybe it was the lack of a warmup or maybe it's poor biomechanics (which I'm working on with my PT). I've rolled my ankle doing many things, besides running. Countless other people have done the same, sometimes ligaments tear, sometimes bones break...but in the end, give space, lend a hand, listen, and don't be a jerk.

A BQ on a Broken Ankle

Nothing was shaping up in my favor, as I road the bus to the starting line of the Colorado Marathon. The weather was snowy and cold to start. During the week, I had begun looking for other marathons that I could run to Boston Qualify, in the event that my time was affected by the impeding crappy weather. I'm not sure why I was so concerned, considering that some of my best racing has happened during the winter months. As I finally stepped off the bus, with only minutes to spare, I decided to give one last go at the bathrooms. This gave me enough time to put on my iPod and discover that the battery didn't charge, to drop my bag at the sweat check, and to walk to the starting line. There was no time to warmup. I calmed my worry by reassuring myself that all of these little things that weren't working were just a sign that my race was gonna be amazing. I had planned a slow first mile, anyhow, so I knew I would get some warming up. There I was, with only one way out of Poudre Canyon and the race starting in two minutes.

I took off at a comfortable pace, following the 3:30 group. I kept them in sight for the first mile, allowing my legs and body to warmup. During the second mile, I started to close in on the group, because I was nervous that I might be taking things a bit too slow. I was immediately uncomfortable, mixed within the big group. I'm not use to running so close to people, so I stuck towards the outside. This unfortunate position made me have to dodge cones and be overly aware of how the runner, directly in front of me, was moving. It was about that time, as I was trying to watch other runners, look for potholes, dodge the cones, find my stride, that it happened. My left ankle rolled. I heard a noise. Maybe it was my feel scraping along the road. It was confusingly mixed with the voices of concern and regret surrounding me. The tones that told me my race was over. I looked at my watch; 1.8 miles. I was done, and if I were smart, I would walk myself back to the starting line to catch a ride to the finish. I hobbled for a minute, told everyone I was okay, and kept thinking and running. I knew an aid station would be in the next mile or two, just as close as the start. I figured I would keep going and evaluate my ankle as I ran.

I really don't run marathons, but in the past year, I spend 40 weeks training for them. I ran ADTM just to see what I could run and finished in 3:42:49. I trained harder for the Colorado Marathon with the help and guidance of John O'Neill in the hopes of qualifying for Boston with my husband and running Boston for our 10th anniversary. I knew that my ankle was damaged enough that I was gonna be off of it for awhile. I had figured that I could train for another marathon, if things didn't work out, but this injury changed the game. I had also been here before. I ran the Pony Express two years ago and rolled my right ankle 3 miles from the finish. I finished as the first female runner, but the injury put me out for 6 months. I swore that I would never let my ego get in the way, again. I regretted the decision to keep running and here I was, again.

I reached the aid station and pulled myself off the road. My ankle looked okay with just a little swelling below the fibula. I decided to keep going and check it at the next station. I spend the next two miles angry that this happened and wondering if I should keep moving. I checked my ankle again, at the second aid station, and noted that it kept the same amount of swelling. As I started to run again, I felt more pain. Clearly, stopping was allowing the swelling to increase, and I figured that my running was keeping the swelling down. I decided not to stop again, unless I was done. I was halfway to the half marathon point, and I figured I would reevaluate my decision, then. The 3:30 pace group was beginning to slip out of sight with my original goal. I spent the rest of the race watching my pace band.

At the half marathon point, I assessed the number of vehicles sitting around that could drive me to the finish. Duane had the keys, so I would sit in the cold until he finished. I was wet, cold and broken. My situation hadn't changed for better OR for worse in the last 13.1 miles. I was one minute off of my split goal, but my ankle wasn't getting worse, so I decided to keep on running. I started to notice people passing me around mile 16, so I made a game with the cones. Run hard for five cones, go easy for a few, a variation of what John told me to do around this point in the race. Or, I would pick a person to catch up to, just to keep motivated and keep my legs and brain from falling into a slower pace. I also noticed that any change in terrain made a painful adjustment for my ankle. Uphill would hurt, then my body would get use to it. Then the downhill would hurt, then my ankle would find that comfortable. When the pain would get bad enough, I would chant to myself, "The Revenant, but the Revenant!!" Reminding me that the human body is capable of astounding feats. At mile 20, I decided that I would never try doing math in a marathon, because I started counting down 8 miles and thinking that my BQ was completely gone. I only had 6 miles, though and was still in the game.

Pretending that I'm having fun at the Colorado Marathon!

Somewhere around 22 miles, I realized that I would be physically done running if I stopped. At mile 24, everything below my hip flexors began to cramp. My right leg was really tired from doing much of the work. My ankles didn't seem to flex or extend, but I could put one leg in front of the other. I finished in 3:36:29, much slower than my goal and only a little faster than my BQ. Immediately after crossing the finish line, I couldn't walk or hold my body up. I hobbled to the medical tent. Cold and shivering, they put me in the ambulance. My left ankle was now swollen to the size of my calf muscle. Once we located Duane, I was put in a wheel chair and brought to our van. I experienced an amazing amount of pain and guilt. We bought some crutches, and I did my best to keep from being incredibly miserable for the rest of our trip.

We returned home on Monday. I had an afternoon appointment with my foot and ankle doctor, who immediately took x-rays of my ankle. I had a spiral fracture of my fibula that happened when it rolled. Knowing this alleviated some of my guilt from continuing my run. I'm in a boot and on crutches for 4-6 weeks, but should be able to run by July 4th. I can't walk if I wanted to, but have been able to get around on my crutches and knee scooter rental. I no longer regret my decision to keep running. I did PR and BQ, though I'm a little nervous about being so close to my 3:40 time. There is a chance that my BQ could not make the accepted time. If that happens, I will plan to train and run for the Colorado Marathon, again, hopefully on two good legs and in beautiful weather.

Running Goals for 2016

You might've seen my post this week about a student who asked if I would ever climb Mt. Everest. I gave an explanation that culminated in "no" (family, cost, life vs. death, etc). She proceeded to tell me about how a few of them were watching the Everest movie and decided that I was the only person they knew that would ever be able to, because of my determination and endurance. While I have no intention to ever climb Everest, I'm humbled and flattered. It also made me realize how much my students see, and possibly admire, about my training and goals. We lead by example, and I feel that the reason I am successful as an educator is because of this, coupled with the fact that I'm endlessly inspired by many of them...just as much as they may be inspired by me. To teach, you need to be able to learn, to re-evaluate yourself, and to change accordingly.

But, this post isn't really about teaching. It's about goals, some of those goals inspired by the young people that I work with everyday.

I've been training for the Colorado Marathon. It is my current goal, and I'm hoping to finish around 3:35 to more than clear my Boston QT of 3:40, thus landing Duane and I in Boston to celebrate our 10th anniversary at the Boston Marathon. After all, we hiked a 26 mile slot canyon for our honeymoon. Maybe for our 20th, we'll take on a 50 miler or 100 miler (if you do the math, that would make Duane really f'ing old). But, I've been slowly chipping away at mileage along the trails and on the treadmill in the hopes of having a great race. I was close at ADTM with a 3:42. The course was hillier, and it was really the first marathon that I had actually trained for. I used the "Run Less, Run Faster" training plan, and I just don't think it was the right plan for me. Now, I'm running almost daily under the guidance of John O'Neill. My running is stronger, and my body is well conditioned, now that I've added some strength training to my weeks.

I've also been kicking around the idea of completing the TCR, this year. I've never actually finished TCR, because the year that I tried, the Ascent was cancelled mid-race for terrible weather. I've decided that I will, at least, register for the Ascent. I'm just not sure that my body needs to run the Garden 10 Mile six weeks after my marathon. This way, I'll be ready to run the Ascent, but can decide on the Garden 10 as the time approaches. I'm looking forward to hitting a lot of trail during the summer, on my feet and on wheels. I'd like to earn a PR at the Pony Express (and not break myself, this time). I'm thinking that some Pikes Peak training can help complete that goal.

I will also be going back to Shoshoni to complete my RYT 500 training. I started this journey in 2008, the same year that I tried TCR, so it seems like a great year to finish both. I also am hoping to solo summit James's Peak (13er), during that time. It was an amazing and beautiful adventure that I had in between babies. I look forward to making that journey, again. So, I won't be climbing Everest, but I do have a couple of mountain challenges to attempt this summer. I'm grateful to my students, who have so much confidence in my abilities, for giving me the final push towards deciding that I can do this again.

How hot yoga helped me embrace my body

Two posts in two days??? Damn, I'm on a roll. (But mostly, I'm just avoiding a pile of grading). I hate the winter. I'm cold all of the time. Most people that see me run on a cold day are like, "It's really frigid out there!" Honestly, the moment I run is the warmest part of my day. I recently purchased a space heater for work. I hugged it for an hour and still felt cold. So, I decided to try hot yoga. I'm a yogi. I've practiced yoga for a bit. I'm a lazy yogi, though. I like doing things on my own time, and I mostly enjoy practicing during the chaos of my own space at home, when I'm wearing jeans and my kids and dog are climbing all over me, while giving me kisses. Seriously, you can't beat that.

But, in my craving for heat, I schlepped my lazy yogi butt over to a hot yoga studio to try something new. I have tried a few classes, but I can only really handle the one where you hold poses for a long time. Anything with the words "vinyasa" and "hot" in the title are frightening and will most likely result in me passed out on the floor.

The first time that I attended, I had forgotten a towel. In a normal yoga class, this isn't a big deal, because sweating is at a minimum. However, when the room is 107 degrees, you'll sweat, and I actually sweat buckets. So, there I was, slipping along through hot yoga, unable to hold limbs in my hand or legs on my mat. Aside from an occasional panic attack from the heat and frustrations about being without a towel, I survived. As I lied in savasana, I felt pretty accomplished, only to discover that there was no actual time for savasana that was built into the class, and I actually had to be somewhere, so I couldn't stay longer. Talk about a buzz kill.

I kept going and surviving, until tonight. The class was the same as always, but the room felt a billion degrees hotter. I showed up in some tiny shorts and a tank top. Again, buckets of sweat began to pool on the towel that I have not forgotten since my first class. I looked around at the tight body yogis, advancing their postures and doing crazy movements in their bra tops and pre-baby bellies, and I thought, "F-this". I stripped off my shirt and finished my practice, baring a little extra skin. I haven't even worn a bikini in public since Rowan. My only feeling was pride for my body, and I am pretty sure that no one actually even noticed everything that I was so self-conscious about. I moved and I folded, and so did my more squishy parts, and I loved watching the postures fit my body. I breathed deeply to watch my belly expand, and I folded further to see the space that my babies once filled, move inward with strength and grace.

Truthfully, I think my love affair with hot yoga is coming to an end. I really don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy a regular vinyasa style class, in a normal temperature room. But, if and when I do attend again, it will almost certainly be without my shirt. There is so much to be gained by watching your body move, just as it is.

My 21 Day Fix Experience (No, I'm not a coach)

After Thanksgiving, and before...I noticed that my weight was on the higher end. I try to not care and be all body positive, but as a runner, a few extra pounds can be a lot to carry, and as an "athena" runner, I already carry 160 lbs. It can have an effect on your joint health, and my ankles and feet have been pretty unforgiving, lately. I want to get a tiny bit faster and possibly qualify to run the Boston Marathon this year, so I thought I'd focus on making some changes. Honestly, I was getting to the point of allowing myself to eat anything and everything. I just needed to reign it in. At my healthiest, I worked out in the morning (swimming) and ran or biked in the afternoon. I think there was something crazy about my metabolism then...like some type of supercharge after having Aspen, because I feel like I do a lot more now, with little change in my body. I think that my nutrition, and probably age, have something to do with the changes. As a result of my self-assessment (and probably spending too much time on Instagram), I decided to try the 21 Day Fix.
Don't stop reading.

I'm not trying to sell you anything.

Frankly, any blog post that I could find regarding 21 Day Fix was written by a coach. Coaches are people that sell the program and encourage that you finish. It's like the Pampered Chef of fitness. I had one, she was awesome. I probably would have quit, if she hadn't encouraged us. We used Facebook for some daily posts about our progress, thoughts, motivations and feelings. I do think that accountability is a cool addition to the program. But, I'm not a coach...so I'll give an honest assessment about 21 Day Fix.

It's actually pretty great.

I thought that I wouldn't gain much from the workouts, and would benefit from the nutrition. I was wrong on both accounts. Getting up 30 minutes early (the workouts are only 30 minutes) to sweat in my basement was much better than going to the pool. Showering and prepping for my work day away from home was always a pain in the butt. I honestly never skipped a workout on 21 Day Fix. There are seven different workouts that are a combination of strength training, cardio, plyometrics, pilates and yoga. As a super fit person, they kicked my ass (but they have modifications). I have found it really easy to get up early and go into the basement for a workout that is unlike my "norm". I also feel fantastic. I look strong, but more importantly, I am strong. I feel much more capable in doing things that I would easily give up on...like anything that required any level of strength. Plank? Forget it, I'd rather take a nap. Now, I can handle it. I also appreciate that the workout has a countdown clock, and when I can see it (I often don't put my contacts in before working out), it's nice to know how long I will feel the torture.

There are some things that I don't like about the workout, mainly the instructor. The overall vibe is that something is wrong with you, and you need to change it. There are a lot of buzz words throughout the videos to support this, "you give me 21 days, and I'll give you the body you've always wanted." I was totally annoyed by this. I already have the body I want. It's mine, and it's not going anywhere. At some point, she even says something about how no one wants to see your flabby arms. I don't think that body shaming creates lasting change in a person. You can't think of a workout as punishment and a way to banish unwanted parts of yourself...because it's yourself. It's not going anywhere. And, you certainly won't experience change, without some self-love and feel-good motivation. I really wasn't surprised, though, because the program is called 21 Day Fix, which implies that you need fixing...and you don't. I also don't think it helps that the only "normal looking" person in the workout video (i.e. not a fitness instructor or fitness model) is the one doing the modifications. Frankly, I know quite a few men and women that don't look as fit as me, but are a helluva lot more strong. It wouldn't hurt to put some diverse body types in their videos. But, alas, they are selling an image of perfection as something to be achieved in the way you look.

I thought that I would gain the biggest benefit from the nutrition. The problem, for me, with the 21 Day Fix nutrition program was that I'm a runner and had no intention of not running during the duration of the 21 days. The program gives you a mathematical calculation for your calorie intake. My intake was suppose to be 1200-1400 calories, which is starvation. I tried it for two days and was so hangry, I was a monster. I bumped myself up to the next level of 1500-1800. The program works by portioning your food into food groups. The biggest change for me was recognizing that I eat a ridiculous quantity of fruit and nuts. I began to eat more protein and complex carbohydrates.

By the end of 21 days, I had gained in muscle what I had lost in fat. I was much more toned. I didn't feel like the diet was sustainable for me, because I really felt the need to eat more, and I don't like going hungry. As a result, I started using a food and activity tracking app. This has been a much better way for me to monitor my eating and workouts. Using a combination of food tracking and the 21 Day Fix workouts in the morning with my regular running, I've lost about 4 lbs in this month. I'm not following the workouts everyday, because I actually value my running goals more than any weight-loss goals. At this point, I'm just happy maintaining that I am strong and happy. I have had a difficult time feeling this level of strength and confidence after having Rowan.

So, would I recommend the program? Maybe??? I think it's probably really fantastic if you are sedentary and aren't sure how to eat healthily and be active. The program emphasizes real foods and measures these foods in pre-measured containers, so it's very simple. I also think you need to have some pretty thick skin to laugh off the body shaming in the videos, though. It's probably not any more shaming than what happens in normal videos or fitness classes. As a previous fitness instructor and trainer, I probably said and believed some of that crap, too. The workouts are fantastic. As a pretty fit person, I've gained a lot more strength with very little extra commitment. So, I do think the program can benefit someone that understands their nutrition, but is less motivated to do strength workouts or high intensity interval workouts.

Overall, I'm pleasantly surprised by the strength that I've gained and the basic awareness of my nutrition, again. I might not lose any weight, but I'm happy being stronger.

Rim Rock Marathon Relay 2015

I most recently raced in the Rim Rock Marathon Relay, again, with Duane. We ran the race back in 2011, when Aspen was tiny. Duane really wanted to win this race. We've been close and our times aren't far off, but it looks like we'll be needing to return for a big win. I have no problem with that.

We rented a house that was close to the bus pick-up on race morning. This was nice, because Duane was able to leave a bit earlier to catch the 1st leg bus, and I left about 15 minutes later. The wait was in the Fruita Community Center, which was so much nicer than waiting outside and in our van forever at the last Rim Rock we ran. The 2nd leg bus seemed to leave much earlier, this time around. I had a 1:30 wait until my leg of the race.

The beginning of the second leg was a bit confusing. The 2nd leg runner was chip timed, but there was no starting mat. I only wanted to find one to make sure that I was starting in the right place, mostly because the relay start changed this year. The 2nd leg started about 200 m sooner and actually ended a lot farther, so it just seemed suspicious and I didn't want to make a major mistake. I also really didn't want to start my run at the bottom of a rather steep hill.

I ran a couple of brief warmups (the morning was VERY cold), used the bathroom a couple of times, sat in a warm bus, and chatted with other relay runners to pass some time. I was super grateful to meet a couple that were waiting for their son (the lead runner) and 1st leg of their relay. The mother was able to drive Duane down to the starting line and we were so grateful for that. Otherwise, the 1st relay runners wait for the very last relay to be bused back to the start.

I caught the dad that started out before me pretty quickly. I didn't hold the lead for very long as a faster marathon runner soon took the lead. After another two miles or so, I was passed by a male team. I held around a 6:15/mi pace until around mile 7. I just started to decide that no one could actually catch me. This was somewhere on a big sweeping stretch of road where you can see about 1.5 mi in front of you. I'm pretty sure the next female saw me and committed to passing me at that moment. When I hit the section of switchbacks that lead out of the monument, I was surprised to see people behind me. I didn't realize it was a female, until she passed. I knew it must've been a coed team. This was about 3 miles from the finish. Within the last mile, I was passed, once more, by a male runner.

I finished knowing that I was the 4th relay runner to pass, and 5th overall. While I know this was good, I was disappointed that I allowed myself to slow down around mile 7. I relaxed into an easier pace, because I didn't want to cramp up and be unable to finish. I probably could have maintained a slightly faster pace, but maybe I just wasn't ready for that super downhill 13.5 mi of road.

After the race, we enjoyed the festivities that are now centered in downtown Fruita. We didn't stay throughout the awards, because the family was antsy. This was unfortunate, because it turned out we were the 3rd team. The 2nd place team consisted of both the 3rd and 4th place runners. The male runner that passed me in the last mile was the 1st leg of the team in front of me. I wish that had been more clear. We don't normally leave before awards, but sometimes it's hard with little guys.

We plan to return and run next year. Overall, I've been racing each week this fall and I'm looking forward to taking a couple of months off. I'll probably take a little bit of time off of running, completely and get back to racing in 2016. This weekend is my last race of the PPRR Fall Series on the Red Leg/CRC Women's team. After that, I'll be vegging out until my age group promotion at the end of December!

Babies on the Road

We took a ten day trip through Moab and back with the kids. It was a constant juggle, entertaining the littles while trying to figure out how to keep them fed, watered, and asleep in unfamiliar places and shared quarters. Last year, we camped for three nights in Golden for the Golden Bluegrass Festival, but we lasted two nights. Aspen began to fall apart and scream in the middle of the night. She's never been too good about being active all day and skipping her nap. Most kids get tired with that schedule, but for her, it's monster fuel. Anyhow, after two nights and the end of the festival, we didn't think we needed to torture ourselves and decided to return home a night early. She has never traveled very well, and this 10 day vacation was sure to be an adventure.

We drove to Moab in one day. It went rather well, up until the camper flat tire in Glenwood Canyon. We were fortunate that there was some nearby construction and an amazing system of cameras throughout the canyon. A man was there ready to divert traffic, immediately. Duane was able to fix the flat within a few minutes and we spent the next hour at Discount Tire. With two new tires, we headed into town to visit the local brewery for lunch, then be on our way. A few more hours, and we would pull into camp.

I was disappointed with Moab as we pulled in during a crazy desert storm. It had been incessantly raining in Colorado Springs when we left. I had told Aspen that it wouldn't and didn't rain in the desert. She was sure to remind me of this assertion many times. We met up with a couple of friends, Vanessa and Andy, en route and at camp to run the Thelma and Louise Half-Marathon with. They drove their RV and enjoyed comfort and dryness, while we set up the popup camper.

During the night, the rain continued and became more fierce. Around 1 a.m., our EZ-up tent had completely collapsed. Metal bent and destroyed, it was in pieces. Around 3 a.m., I decided that if the rain continued at 5, I would not be running the race. The rain finally stopped at some point. I fumbled around in our dark camper to put on my Skirtsports Lioness skirt and to lace up my shoes. I met Vanessa at our van, and we headed to the start of the race.

The Thelma and Louise is an all women's event that runs along the Colorado River. I warmed up for a mile, and then headed to the start. I was surprised to see everyone standing sheepishly around the start and afraid to line up in front of the 1:45 pacer. I knew I would run faster than 1:45, so I joined a few other women at the front of the start. I ran in 5th place for the majority of the race. Around mile 9, the women holding 1st and 2nd began to dramatically slow down. I passed each one, and began to really push my pace in the last two miles as I felt someone on my shoulder. I knew the difference between 3rd and 4th place was pretty huge, so I fought to the finish. I finished at 1:40:14 in 3rd position, only seconds before the next runner. I ran back for Vanessa. Then, we both ran back so that I could run a total of 17 miles, following my marathon plan.

We spent a few days in Moab, finding the small hikes in Arches and Canyonlands to walk along with the kids. We also hiked the Negro Bill hike, which was a really tough route with small children. It became really hot in the last couple of miles of the hike. Truthfully, I bribed Aspen with ice cream and a stuffed animal.

We headed back into Colorado, and had a layover in Glenwood Springs at a friends house. It was relieving to sleep in a real bed, and to put the kids to bed early. They had been staying up later, and the lack of schedule was starting to overwhelm everyone. We visited the hot springs, but Aspen mostly needed a day out of the sun to rest. She enjoyed some TV and a good sleep. I was able to get a fantastic run along the Roaring Fork River in the rain the next day. That afternoon we headed to Vail for a couple of nights at the Healthy Schools Retreat. It was a fantastic stay. Duane and the kids were able to explore Vail, while I attended the conference.

Catching up on GoT in the hotel bathroom, while the kids slept.

After Vail, we headed to the Shoshoni Yoga Retreat Center for family weekend. It's an amazing program with beautiful surroundings, restful yoga, great activities for the kids, and fantastic food. On the last morning of our stay (and the last morning of our trip), I left the camper at 4:40 a.m. to run the Skirtsports 13er in Boulder. Ten days in a camper and two half-marathons might've been overly ambitious.

The race starts at Home Depot in Louisville, Colorado. The first year of the race, they ran us over a bridge overpass, which bottle-necked the runners to a standstill. Thankfully, they walked us over the bridge and had us start on the opposite side. The course climbs a lot, and the hills are really long. At first, I thought this was the reason for my slow start. Close to mile 8, and in the middle of the longest hill, I was passed by a young girl that I beat in the T&L half. At that point, I realized that sleeping in a camper and travel, in general, probably affected my race. No big deal. The event helped me focus on getting my distance for marathon training during vacation. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have run at all on vacation. I was suppose to finish 20 miles that day. I warmed up for a mile and was able to run an additional mile after the race, but that was it. No 20 for me. I was done. It was hot, and I missed my family. I enjoyed some post race oranges and snacks. They also had cake, which was nice, but the heat had me feeling really sick.

When I ran the race during the first year, Aspen was there, and I was pregnant. This year would have been perfect to have kids around, because Home Depot had a little maker's station underneath a tent for kids to build projects. I also didn't stick around long, because, unlike the first year, I didn't have any friends join me. A few of us ran the first year, but it didn't work out this time around. Hopefully, we can get a group going next year.

Later that day, we headed home and enjoyed sleeping in our own home and beds. The trip was a definite success with Aspen and Rowan. We visited with countless dear friends along the way. Overall, it was fantastic. I have learned that if I plan to travel to a race, to have that race be within the first 24 hours of my trip. It's not that I won't do this again...because the trip and two races were really fun, but I just won't expect to run very well at the second event.

Real women love, laugh, run, move...

Here I am, one year and 3 months after having my second baby and I have learned so much. Then again, hindsight is 20/20. When I had my first baby, running was easy throughout my pregnancy. I really didn't understand how people felt unmotivated to stay physically active. After her birth, I was able to return to my prior level of physical fitness within a few months. Within a few more months, I was running faster than I had ever run before.

I had a hard time keeping myself from comparing pregnancies. The second time around I felt more morning sickness and generally more lethargy. I wasn't able to run for most of my pregnancy. This made me feel like a failure. After all, I was told time and time again by a variety of people and resources that pregnant women were now competing in amazingly difficult races and doing quite well. I was frustrated that I couldn't. As a matter of fact, I quit trying to walk or run around 30 weeks. Little did I know that my baby, at that time weighed about 8 lbs, the same weight that my first was at birth.

 

This amazing baby was born 10 lbs 10 oz and full of contentment. He is perfect in every way. Immediately after his birth, I felt the need to get moving but lacked the ability and drive. It may seem ridiculous that I was so disappointed in my low activity level, but was it really? ridiculous? I just wanted to sit on a chair and nurse while snuggling my son. But, surrounded with internet articles and television gossip regarding the last big celebrity to have the last high-profile pregnancy and the perfect "post baby bod", how could I not feel that pressure? I quickly reconciled with my issues, and happily took to nursing on the couch, rather than trying to hobble my way through a run.

My return to fitness was slow and different. I've spent a lot more time being okay with the unexpected diversion away from my workout. I've spent a lot less time training for the next big thing. I still get my share of running and workouts, but a lot of time it isn't what I expected. I might need to take the kids to the YMCA and enjoy a long distance run on the treadmill, rather than spending my time outside on a trail. I might push the kids in the dualie, rather than enjoying a simple, resistance-free run. I might take the kids to the park, for a walk, to the zoo, etc. I'm recognizing more and more that time running is good for the soul, and time away from running is also good for the soul.

What does #realwomenmove mean to me? It means finding balance. It means making time for myself, but enjoying the richness of being needed and loved so dearly. It means giving time, space and compassion to myself throughout life changes. It means loving every opportunity that I have to love, laugh, run and move.

Creating Community in 2015

I woke up to run another race this morning, that I really wasn't prepared for. I've been running, but I haven't been training. I just don't have the time, nor the desire, to really push myself. "Desire" is the important part. I have the motivation to run, but I don't have the motivation to be fast...and I couldn't care less. My running has been at odds with a few minor ailments: my seriously sprained ankle from the Pony Express, an abdominal hernia from my enormous baby, lack of sleep from big baby and a plethora of illnesses. My running has also been at odds with my enormous desire to soak up baby snuggles. So, after a long day at work, I'd much rather go home, cuddle, play and do some yoga when the babies are in bed.

I did surprisingly well in the race, considering my physical and slightly mental issues, and I still plan to run distance and work towards running a marathon in the fall. However, I've really been spending my extra effort and focus on creating community....and generally being more active in the communities that I have already held close. This is a major "outside-of-the-box" goal for me, a total introvert, quite possibly the person that is most likely to ignore you in a public space...simply because "breaking the ice" terrifies me.

I am working on this in a few ways:

1. I am trying to make more personal connections, including remembering people's names. This may include approaching someone that I know...even a little, and starting a conversation. This is the hardest of my goals.

2. I am trying to make more meaningful connections at work. I've started teaching yoga and have organized a running group. I've also developed some small opportunities for everyone to connect more.

3. I am trying to be more involved in the yoga community. This involves the community that I feel safe in and communities that are more distant. I am also working on shedding shame that I have about my practice, studies and beliefs. They may be different from yours, but they help me to be a better person, and that is all that should matter.

4. I am "invested" as a teacher and a coach, but I will not sacrifice the needs of my family. I'm spending less time working at home. I trust that things will "get done". I am also spending more time in the off-season with my athletes and their families. We've developed a great, strong group of runners and running parents. Our winter "team" is represented by about 8 different groups of families or teachers.

Overall, I feel that I am finding a balance among the things that really matter. I might not run as fast as I once did, but I have so much more to be proud of in my life. THIS is where I want to be.

Revisiting my Goals

It was a good month for running. I had a strong Labor Day race, where my goal to beat 1:45 was just barely met. I finished 7th overall and 2nd in my age group. I felt terrific, and enjoyed the very familiar course.

I trained hard. I ran some great distances every weekend and had some great track and hill workouts during the week. I cross trained and put in a ton of mileage. I ran the trail around Rampart Range a few times, preparing to have a better race in the Pony Express. The first time that I ran the Pony Express, I had raced a 5k distance a couple of times and had run the 7 miles around Waldo Canyon once. Once. 7 miles, one time. The Pony Express is 15ish single track miles around the reservoir. It was hell, and I never went back.

My goal in training was to finish it more comfortably. The third time that I ran the trail, however (a mere five days after the Labor Day race), I twisted my ankle 4 miles in. It was pretty minor, and I was able to keep running comfortably. When I showed up on race day, my only goal was to run without injury.

I started out in front, because I felt comfortable about being passed and I wanted to hit the single track without getting stuck behind people. I kept waiting and waiting for a female runner to pass me. I wasn't positive about what place I was in, so I convinced myself that it wasn't first and just kept on running. Eventually, I realized that no one would be passing me as I settled into the last 5 miles of the race. At this point, a volunteer also let me know that I was the first female.

At three miles from the finish, I broke my original goal of finishing uninjured, when I landed on the side of my ankle. It was painful. I stopped for a moment and limped along, but I kept running. Maybe it was the fact that I was in first. Maybe it was the fact that it was cold and I didn't want to just sit along the trail. Either way, I finished the race in first place. Yay?

I was scheduled to run the Colorado Springs Half Marathon the next weekend and the Xterra this weekend. I didn't run the CS Half, because my ankle was a grapefruit. It's been a little over two weeks and I think I've resigned to the fact that I will not be running the Xterra. I tried running on Monday, and it seems that I won't be running for quite awhile. This has me really questioning my half-marathon-a-month goal. I probably won't run a half in October and may bail from the November race, just to ensure that I'm healed. The purpose of my goal was really to get back into shape. I'm thinking that I've at least achieved that and I'm wondering if I should set my sights on something different. Maybe a century ride in 2015, or a fast marathon next fall, perhaps another half ironman. I haven't completely given up yet, but I'm open to new suggestions.

A Half-Marathon-a-Month: 2 down, 10 to go

In July, I ran my first half-marathon after having the baby. I finished in 1:55:24, which beat the 2:00 goal. The race was good, but most of my training had been on a treadmill. After a couple of miles, it was apparent that I needed to get outside more. The race was good. It's a simple even that runs along the Santa Fe Trail. The out-and-back course makes for a nice race in terms of aid station assistance. It was nicely supported for a nursing mommy. During the following weeks, I seriously increased my time on trails and pushing Rowan in a stroller.

The work paid off, because last weekend, I ran the Rocky Mountain Half Marathon. It was also a very well supported race. It is on the pricier side and is basically all road, but the even had a few key things that made it amazing.

First of all, hydropouches. The run was cup free, and as a person that has worked many aid stations and has begged people to help with aid stations, I thought this was awesome. Each station had two volunteers and a few water or gatorade coolers. You filled your own complimentary hydropouch and continued on with your race. If you're really running fast, I could see this possibly slowing you down, but when you know it's cup free, going in...you could just bring something that will keep you hydrated for the duration of the race. Frankly, when I was faster, I wasn't drinking during a race anyhow.

Secondly....drones. That's right...fricken drones at 5 a.m. flying around and taking pictures of us before the race. I still haven't seen the pictures, but I thought it was pretty wild. They also took a billion pictures and videos during the event. At some point, someone was even stalking me with a camera and their car. Haven't seen the pictures...but...wait a minute...I suppose it could've been some freakazoid, but it was 6 a.m.

Next, the Stanley. You know, the creepy hotel? It started and ended in front of the Stanley Hotel. Which hopefully has chickens, because during my warmup run at 5:30 a.m., there was something that sounded like chickens clucking...or children screaming.

Finally, the people. I would say Colorado Springs has some of the best runners on the planet. I'm not really talking about skill, though there are plenty of amazing runners...I'm actually talking about good vibes. I was cheered on by a number of cops working the race, and a local old guy thanked everyone for coming to Estes Park as we ran by. The best, was the 1:55 pacer. As I turned back into the Stanley drive, the 1:55 pacer came running back to bring me in under 1:55. I was close by gun time, but ended up finishing in 1:54.04 by chip time. I have never seen someone so enthusiastic, and he actually got the entire crowd pumped up for me, along with the announcer. Considering I showed up solo, allowing the hubs and kids to keep sleeping at 4:30 a.m., it was awesome to have so many people cheering me on.

We had a lovely stay at the YMCA of the Rockies, which I highly recommend for anyone visiting Estes Park with a family. I think we may both end up running this one next year. It was the best race that I have had in as long as I can remember, because I allowed myself to enjoy the views and left my Garmin at home. In September, I plan to run the American Discovery Trail Half Marathon and the Pony Express. I'm also planning to have a date with Duane to run Rampart Reservoir sometime this month.

Full of Myself

I recently found myself reading the comments on a Youtube video. This horrible time-suck got me thinking. You see, this video was a woman that was pushing her diet ideas and happily promoting her healthy lifestyle. While I think her approach to improving other people's health is flawed (read Body, Mind and Sport for an overview of what I do think works for optimizing your health), I thought her confidence and happiness was lovely. Obviously, not every commenter would have agreed. One woman referred to her as being "full of herself".

I found myself reflecting on this statement. If you aren't full of yourself, then what the hell are you full of? What is so wrong with a woman being confident in her body and her choices? Having dealt with a near lifetime of self-esteem issues, I am pretty proud to be confident about myself, my body, my everything. Sure, I do things and say things that aren't great, but that doesn't mean I'm not great, it just means I make mistakes, like all other humans on the planet. It also doesn't mean that my life is easy. I encounter obstacles within and without myself constantly. But I have learned to work on my negative traits, to let go of dramas that don't matter, and to embrace the difficult changes that sometimes surface.

When we speak negatively about someone being full of himself/herself, I would argue that we are typically referring to a woman. When we discuss the same traits in a man, we use words like "proud", "strong", or "independent". The same traits in a woman, for some reason or another, are unwelcome. I would also argue that mostly women abuse the phase "full of herself" in reference to other women. Maybe it's jealousy, perhaps personal despair, regardless, it ruins our collective psyche, limiting the sum of our potential. It says, "Stay quiet, woman. You are not worthy."

This past weekend, I was teaching a restorative yoga workshop. I spent some time discussing how truly happy I am in my life at this moment, "blissed out", as I like to call it. I feel that finding balance in the chaos of life with true rest and rejuvenation brings me this happiness. It helps that I have an amazing little family, too. But as these words fell out of my mouth, I immediately felt guilty. Isn't it funny that I would feel guilty about sharing my happiness? It isn't really funny. It's totally normal, because proclaiming one's happiness with life, body, love, etc. is "being full of yourself". But, when I put all of these words together on this page and reflect, I want nothing less than being full of myself.

A Shout out to High-Five Hoodoo

When I first started running, Duane would take me over to Palmer Park to run the Templeton Gap trail. You might be familiar with the trail. It's death in the form of some dirt and rocks. The terrain involves intense, short climbs that will leave you hating running, and your partner, at least it did for me. Duane is also very fast, and I'm pretty sure he could've hiked the 3.8 mile route faster than my beginner legs could run it.

I had a lot of special stops along this run "The Hill I Hate", "Kill me Now Rocks", and "High-Five Hoodoo", my most favorite. Typically, at these places, I would be doubled over, panting, and all out crying tears of pain and hate for the trail. With the breath that I would have left, I was regularly chanting, "I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't...." High-Five Hoodoo was a little different.

As a beginning trail runner, I found myself constantly watching Duane's footwork and trying my best to move with the same light, quick strides. At the last 0.3 miles of the run, High-Five Hoodoo just seems to jump right into the trail. I'm pretty sure it smacked me on my first couple of runs. Once I caught on to its game, I started hitting it back. My hits started as slaps of anger across it's sandy surface, as if the hoodoo represented all of Palmer Park. After months and months of training in the park, these slaps evolved into a habitual hand brush across the rock. But, somehow along the way, I actually began to enjoy these runs and my hit became more of a high-five.

I run a lot of different routes through that park, now. Some are only 3.8 miles and some are as long as 13.3 miles. Each run gets a visit to High-Five Hoodoo. Somehow, that rock actually pulled me through so much training. But, alas, now that I have two kids and live on the west side, I never get over to Palmer Park any longer. I kind of miss my sturdy, ancient running buddy.

Today, I didn't get over and run in Palmer Park. As a matter of fact, I haven't been in that park for well over a year. But, I offered up my run to High-Five Hoodoo, because with two kids, I ran on the dreadmill. I didn't just run on the treadmill, but I ran 10 miles on the treadmill. I was a little afraid of defeat from this 90 minute run. After all, it is much easier to bail on a treadmill, compared to an out-and-back route. But I did it, and on some level, I'm pretty sure High-Five Hoodoo is pretty impressed.

Garden 10M and Beyond

I finished the Garden 10 mile with a PR. My finish was 1:33.27 compared to 1:34.23 back in 2008...when I was a slower runner....but I'll take it. The race was great and is actually pretty inexpensive for the distance. I'd post some pictures of myself racing, but I truthfully looked terrible, shoulders forward and head back. It looked like my body was still carrying a baby, and has facilitated my increase in core strengthening.  I may be able to physically run the distance, four months after baby, but my body is still recovering. With how much we are bombarded by images of "body after baby" celebrities covering "days after birth", it's important to remember that the rest of us #1) don't rely on our body for our income...and #2) should rely on functionality more than looks...and even if it looks "put together", it might not necessarily be back to one piece.

 In regards to body image, I totally don't care that I'm carrying an extra 15 lbs. I'm not as fast, but I don't care about that either. I'm healthy...and I'm totally enjoying summer with an almost 4 year old and a very jolly little baby. Between soccer camp and zoo camp, running, bike riding, playing and swimming, I'm having way too much fun being a kid, again. How do you stay young forever? My answer, right here and right now, is to have kids.

In addition to running the race, I was also in charge of an aid station. While this seemed like it wouldn't be a big deal, it was a huge deal. Duane was able to decorate and run the station that day, but I did a lot of pre-planning. I've done it a million times, and I always underestimate how much time it really devours. It's a fantastic, team-building opportunity for our high school cross country team, but I always put more work into it than I intend.

In addition to all of that fun, we spent a few days camping. We had planned on four days, but adjusted to three. Aspen has always been the type of kid to "go, go, go" rather than eventually pass out from activity. The girl just doesn't stop, so tons of fun and sleeping in a camper was getting difficult and we bailed on Sunday night rather than Monday morning. We were only in Golden, though, so the bail was easy and home was an hour away.

Regardless, the trip was a blast. We spent three days at the cheapest, smallest, and most family friendly bluegrass festival in the west, the Golden Music Festival. It's put on by the local history museum of Golden. The bands were fun, and Aspen was able to run around an play throughout the event. We also visited the Miners Maze and Adventureland. I found a Livingsocial deal for the place. It was pretty cool. At first, I thought Aspen would be too little or scared for the activities. I was totally wrong. This girl has no fear. She had a blast, Duane had a blast, and Rowan and I stayed snuggled with my two feet on the ground.

Our next big race is The Half on the Fourth in Colorado Springs. Duane and I will both be running. We'll follow that up with the Rocky Mountain Half Marathon in Estes Park. I will run the race, and Duane will run his favorite route through Rocky Mountain National Park. This will also be a multi-day family trip, where we'll stay at the YMCA of the Rockies, which offers tons of family friendly activities. Wish me luck...not so much on the race, but on the four day stay!

Kokopelli Kids!

I spend a lot of the year watching kids run, as a high school cross country and track coach. I love passing on my love of running to young adults, in hopes that they will become life-long runners or college athletes. When I knew the baby was coming in February, I decided to take the spring season of track off. Being a great teacher, coach and mom is very difficult...and being a mom comes first.

Typically, my spring flies by and I jump into the summer feeling like a stranger in my home. Duane and Aspen have a regular schedule of time at the Y, working out, childwatch and swimming. This season has been different. I've loved every moment of our Saturdays, finding the next free activity at the library or a local nature center to enjoy. I've also loved watching Aspen run in her first Kokopelli Kids Trail Series.

She is 3 and ran in the preschool 0.5 mile division. I was a little surprised at the distance. She has run some fun 100 meter races, but we actually had to prepare for the 0.5 miles. We went over to the Santa Fe Trail a couple of times and would run her normal push-bike route. I was mainly concerned that she would stop, fall, freak out or all of the above. After she broke her arm, falling off a balance beam, I decided to run the first race with her, just to catch her if she stumbled.

She had a blast during her first race. I loved jogging next to her and watching the pure joy on her face. She took my hand a couple of times for support up the tiny hills. She also stopped for an exaggerated huff-and-puff during the last 0.25 mile. It was lovely, and silly, and so much fun. Instead of crossing the finish line, she stared at it for a bit and then walked over to her papa. Clearly, she needed some work on her finish. She was very proud of her post race water, fruit snacks and purple ribbon.

With each race, I let go a little more. During the second race, I waited at the 0.25 mile turn around, then I snuck behind her for the final stretch. She was not happy about me following her, but I knew she had struggled during the last half. Sure enough, she was fine without me...though she still went right for grandma and papa after the race.

During the last race, I watched her at the start and waited for her at the finish line. With a beaming smile, she watched everyone start around her as she slowly trotted across the line. She took longer, because she was waiting for her new friend throughout the 0.5 mile. She finally made it across the finish, and enjoyed a celebratory slice of pizza and chocolate chip cookie after the event.

It was so enjoyable to watch her. It's not because she is fast (I could honestly care less about her speed), but it is because she is having so much fun just playing and making friends. I love coaching kids to run fast, but I love doing that when they are older. For now, I will foster fun, play, and lots of physical activity for my girl. I will also continue to enjoy springtime with my babies.

Here I Run

The past two weeks of running have been pretty inexplicable. My abilities have changed, daily; and I'm grateful for the natural improvement. Truthfully, I haven't even been trying. It became noticeable a week ago, when I stood at the starting line of Take 5 in the Garden. I had decided to drag my butt off the couch and get moving, but my strategy was to walk every hill and generally take it easy with some 14 minute miles. I was certain that the race would take me over an hour to finish. But, as I talked running with a coworker, I heard, "There you are!" It was my friend, Vanessa. "Shit," I thought, "I'm actually going to have to try."

As we began our run, I tried to convince her that she really wanted to run faster, without me. Needless to say, she never left my side. We actually made a great pair. I was more motivated to run up the hills, and she pushed the downhills a little harder (I have a lot of downward momentum...otherwise known as "junk in the trunk"). We actually finished around 47 minutes, which was at least 20 minutes faster than I was anticipating. If I were to do anything differently, it would only be to run with a Camelbak. Nursing mommies need more fluid, and it was super hot.

At the finish

 Later in the week, I took to the Garden, again. Immediately after work, I started at the Manitou Pool and began running the Garden 10 Mile course. I made it just past Ridge Road before turning around at about 30 minutes. It was a lovely day. The next two days were spent with student award ceremonies and Kokopelli Kids. When I finally had a chance to hit the treadmill on Saturday, I was super strong. I did a progression run and finished with about 0.5 miles at a 7:30 pace, twice. In total, I ran 5 miles and swam 2/3 of a mile. This was all followed by amazingly fun kids activities. By the end of the day, I felt like I had run a marathon. Duane had run a trail half marathon in Denver, finishing 3rd overall. I'm pretty sure my day, in total, was tougher :)

Ridiculously Fun Kids Activities

 Today, I ran the Garden 10 Mile course from the Manitou Pool and hit the main entrance of the park before turning around. I felt good, but the crazy weather made the run tough. It was a cold rain, when I started, that had me soaked within 3 minutes. By the time I was warm, the rain had turned into sleet that blasted my face during every northern running section, which was basically the first 35 minutes. All in all, it was an awesome start to my Mother's Day. I'm starting to feel motivated to run, and that was a big hurdle to overcome.

Getting Back

I had a goal to run the St. Patrick's Day 5K this past weekend. It was exactly 4 weeks after the birth of our second child, and I thought this would be my first race, getting back to normal. But, running has been tough this time. Maybe it's my older body or my 10 lb. 10 oz. baby, but more likely, it is my love of soaking up every little bit of baby time I can get. Because, this is it. This is our last little baby.

I'm not disappointed that I didn't run the race. I am a bit overwhelmed that I can't really run. It's like starting all over again, and I don't remember it being this hard after my first baby. However, Saturday was more than an unattained goal. I did run 3.8 miles. It was the furthest distance that I have run in awhile. Only 2.5 of it was continuous, but up until that point I had only run one or two blocks at a time.

Moving forward, Duane and I are revisiting our goals from after we had our first baby. We will, again, run a half marathon-a-month. Some of these races we have run before (and the reports can be found on the blog Run, Raft, Love Colorado if you are interested in reading them), and some of the races will be new experiences. We will start in July (well, June if you count the Garden of the Gods 10 mile) and end the following year.

Here is our race schedule:

June: Garden of the Gods 10 Mile
July: Half on the 4th Half Marathon
August: Rocky Mountain Half Marathon
September: ADTM Half Marathon or Pony Express
October: Xterra Marathon of Trail Races Half Marathon
November: Rim Rock Marathon Relay
December: Rock Canyon Half Marathon
January: TBD
February: Super Half Marathon
March: Run Through Time Half Marathon
April: Platte River Half Marathon
May: Fear the Deer Half Marathon

We will probably do a lot of small, local races in between. I have no personal performance expectations, because if I've learned anything in the past year, it's to not take this running stuff so seriously. I just want to run, have fun, and hopefully fit into my clothes again someday.

Winter Series Short 1, 2, and 3...in summary

I seriously think I'll quit racing for awhile.  I'll finish the series, complete the Run Through Time half marathon, and finish with the Skirtsports half marathon, but that's it.

The Winter Series has been gruelingly difficult for me for a couple of reasons.  First, I am in 12th place overall behind 9 high school (and younger) runners.  A few of these young women are the fastest in the state, and pretty soon the nation.  Bravo.  They are fantastic.  While I could spend my time comparing the million-and-one things that make my training schedule difficult and less competitive than theirs, instead, I'll focus on my second reason.  I have gained 15 pounds.  Fifteen pounds is a lot of extra weight to be lugging around on the trail, and I am slower.  I am, once again, an "Athena" runner.  I am tempted to reflect on my race and to encourage myself to lose those 15 pounds.  Here's the clincher, I've spent an entire year trying to gain those pounds.  Yet, every race sparks a little bit of chaos in my mind about the extra weight, and the pregnancy that didn't work.

So, that's my summary.  Every race has been the same thing.  I race a little slower.  I beat myself up about it.  I spend two weeks pushing myself.  Repeat.  I want to break this cycle, so I'm planning to just run the races that I've already committed myself to and then stop racing.  No more speed work, hill sprints or other painful training.  I'm just gonna run.

Well, maybe I'll quit the intense training after two more weeks.  I wouldn't mind claiming my age group title. 

Stocking Shuffle 5K

It has been a long time since my last post.  I haven't been writing, because I have been focusing on teaching, coaching and scaling back my mileage.  I raced the Fall Series with the goal of finishing in the top 3, but faster girls showed up, and I ended at 6th overall finishing 1st in my age group.

My times were slowing for a couple of reasons.  I've been trying to gain fat to get pregnant.  I have plenty of weight, but was at 16% body fat (DEXA scan, super accurate) with amenorrhea for a couple of years.  My doctor recommended getting to 20%, which was only a few pounds but it was actually quite difficult.  I know that sounds trivial, but I'm pretty sure that gaining a few pounds for me was just as challenging as any person losing a few pounds.  I like to eat healthy and feel good when I am satisfied.  Sure, why not eat a doughnut a day?  Well, I hate doughnuts, and any food like doughnuts with a passion.  You really are what you eat.  And I am not a doughnut, nor do I want the molecules of one to become any part of my body.

My other reason for slowing down (though I wasn't aware at the time) was pregnancy.  Being pregnant with Aspen slowed me down instantly.  I noticed that I was breathing really heavy during the series and wasn't able to really compete as a racer.  I thought it was the extra pounds.  Before the pregnancy happened, I was put on some drug cocktail to get a cycle, again.  When the cycles stopped, I took a bjillion negative pregnancy tests.  A few weeks later, before scheduling a doctor appointment for amenorrhea, I took two more tests.  Both were positive.

This past Monday, at my 8 week appointment, my blood work and ultrasound looked like I was really early.  I did the math, and it wasn't possible.  Everything was there, except for the baby.  I showed up for some follow-up blood work only to hear that it wasn't viable and here are your options: wah, wah, wah, wah.  I knew it wasn't viable before I walked in the door.  I somehow made it through the week at work with a field trip, guest speakers, and dynamic classes.  I'm not quite sure how.  I have more appointments next week, because nothing is actually happening.  You see, the worst part is that I have morning sickness and a symptomatic pregnancy, but I am not actually pregnant and I haven't yet miscarried.  It's a constant reminder.

This might be slightly faux pas to write about and share.  Most people don't talk about this stuff, but I'm just one person and this happens about 30% of the time (15% knowingly...much of the rest of the percentage is too early to recognize...though, different people will give different numbers).  Many women experience this and move on.  Most women move on to have happy healthy pregnancies within six months.  I'm sad for this loss, and I'm sad to wait longer.  But, I know that it will happen in time.

In the midst of all of this, I had already planned to run and win the Stocking Shuffle, even if I had been pregnant.  The results over the last few years were misleadingly slow, because I had underestimated a few hills in the course.  I can keep a solid 7 minute per mile pace (again, I've slowed a bit), and the previous overall winners finished around 22-24.  Today, I finished at 22:59.  It was a really small event and about half of the race was on concrete sidewalk, so I don't think I will race this one in the future.  My goal, before getting pregnant, was to win a race.  Well, I did it.

We will be waiting for about two or three months to get pregnant, again (doctor's orders).  In that time, I plan to race the short Winter Series (haven't competed in the short before), continue to work towards my 100 Jack Quinns runs (40 to go...hopefully many of them will be during a pregnancy), and do a lot of healing and restorative yoga and reading.

James' Peak: A solo summit

I spent a week at the Shoshoni ashram in Rollinsville, taking an excellent class on yoga for healing.  Duane, Gary and Aspen spent four days camping at Kelly Dahl, while I was studying yoga.  I commuted via mountain bike for those days.  When they left on Friday, I was on my own camping on the Shoshoni property.  It was my first experience camping alone.  I enjoyed my moments of quiet and reading in my tent.

The training duration was nine days, with one day off.  On my day off, I decided to hike James' Peak.  I'll be honest, that I didn't really think my summit would be a reality.  I figured that I would hike until something turned me around.  After all, I've always relied on Duane to guide me and make the decisions when my brain gets fuzzy around 12,000 feet.  While at home, I used Google Earth to map out and virtually hike the mountain.  This helped a TON.  Above treeline, I was able to recall land features on the ascent.  It wasn't as much help below treeline, because the visibility on Google Earth wasn't as clear.

Google Earth snapshot showing Rollinsville, Moffat Tunnel start and James' Peak.  Roundtrip = 13.2 miles

Google Earth image of James' Peak from the ridge line.

 At the start of my morning, I was really alarmed by poor weather.  The clouds were low, the visibility was reduced to about 80 yards, the temperature was cold, and rain or snow was falling.  I was nearly ready to crawl back into my tent, when I thought to myself, "What would Duane do?"  He would do exactly what I wanted to avoid, which was to start the hike.

I stopped at the kitchen to get a little zucchini bread and fruit before my trip, and I headed on my way.  I figured that I would hike until I couldn't go any further.  The weather was very similar to the Pikes Peak Ascent in 2008, so I assumed that it was probably pretty ugly above treeline.

When I arrived at Moffatt Tunnel, the clouds were beginning to clear and the peak had become visible.  I was pretty happy that I hadn't wimped out on this journey.  I began my hike pretty close to some other people, but was able to gain some distance within the first mile.  I was really alone on this trail.  I'm pretty sure I was the first person to hike that morning.

As I continued on my journey, I recognized the beauty and secrecy of this area in the state.  The ground was green and lush with life.  Very little pine beetle infestation had begun, but I'm sure it isn't far off.  A few years ago, when I visited, the area was free of infestation.  Now, Rollinsville appears to be doing a lot to eradicate infected trees, but it is only a matter of time that it spreads more profusely in the area.  Some trees were marked, but little work was done on the trail. 

Recent rains created very muddy conditions.  The mud was thick and deep.  I was fortunate enough to take some of it home after a few slips and sinks.  The rain had also caused some flooding in the South Boulder Creek.  The trail follows parallel to the creek, and flooding was evident by the muddy banks and bent grasses.  I began wondering what a flash flood on the mountain might look like.

The creek is fantastic.  There are a few bridge crossings, a couple of rock crossings, and one difficult tree crossing.  The waterfalls along the trail were magnificent.  As I approached the lakes, I witnessed the most beautiful of the falls.  It cascaded over rocks in multiple directions and glistened with the now shining sun.  The lakes were stunning.  The water is clear and still, with the occasional, visible ripple from mountain winds, creating a glistening surface from higher elevations.

The James' Peak Wilderness Area has an amazing diversity of wildlife.  Maybe many mountains that I have climbed do, but I've been too busy talking during the hike.  I noticed about five different species of mushrooms, dozens of moth species, and the usual peppering of Colorado wildflowers.  I did not encounter any four legged friends, except for the pika and marmots.  At the lakes, I encountered quite a few other people that had backpacked into the area on the previous day.

After hiking a few steep switchbacks to the ridge line, I became a little confused about the trail.  I also struggled to decide which peak was actually James' Peak.  I recalled my virtual hike via Google Earth and redirected myself to the correct route after a short diversion.  The ridge appears rocky and dangerous, but the trail drops below the ridge line.  As I rounded the ridge, I saw a sharper peak in the distance and thought it might be James'.  It was quite a distance out, making me a little nervous.  I decided to trust the journey and follow along wholeheartedly, letting the end result unfold as it would.  I was on a trail, and it had to end somewhere.

It turned out that the peak directly in front of me was James'.  As I followed the last bit of switchbacks, I realized that my brain was becoming fuzzy and airy.  I took a few pauses along the way to clear my head and make sure that I was following the correct route.  Just below the summit, at a large boulder field, I spied the last cairn.  I assumed that the last of my hike must climb the boulder field.  I looked around to double check, but couldn't see the trail off to my left.  Again, my brain was becoming fuzzy.  I began climbing with all fours up the boulder field, realizing that this was one of the toughest that I've had to traverse on a mountain, I knew there had to be an easier way.

I was relieved to finally reach the top.  Duane figured it was about 4 miles and would take me 3.5 hours.  According to my Garmin, it was 6.6 miles and took 3 hours and 20 minutes.  I was happy to have a little battery power left in my camera to get some "first solo ascent" shots.  I was also fortunate to enjoy the summit alone for awhile.  After soaking in the beauty, enjoying a snack, and taking a few more pictures, I began my descent.  I quickly found the trail I had missed on the way up.

I realized quite a few things along this hike, but the most valuable was remembering myself.  As we begin to plan having another baby, this was a valuable time for me to reconnect with myself and remember that I am more than just a mom.  Don't get me wrong.  Being a mom is awesome, amazing, inspiring, and valuable.  But, it's nice to remember that I am a person, capable of so much, and full of wonder, curiosity and adventure.  Sometimes it is nice to take some time and be alone.  It can be a fruitful moment to remember the mystery of the self and appreciate the richness of human bonds.

We are so lucky to have such beauty surrounding us in Colorado.  On my descent, I recognized many roles:  a father and sons camping at the lakes; the father teaching his children how to fish, a family of three generations exploring beauty, a botany class classifying various plants, a young couple gossiping about young things, friends lost and reading a map.  The protected lands are beyond discernible value.  They shelter so much beauty in geology and pulse with the heart of our great rivers.  They nourish diversity, curiosity and wonder.  They provide the grounds where we discover ourselves and develop lasting, deep bonds with our family.  We are lucky to have them protected, and it is vital that we continue that legacy.